Her words said "No". Her voice said, "Yes".

A few weeks ago, I started working with a lovely woman who was moving out of state to live with one of her daughters.  As I'm helping clients with their decisions about what to move, what to give to family, what to sell and what to donate, I learn a lot about them....Their life history, things they like, items that are important to them, etc.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend a lot of time with her before she left as decisions were made and things happened very quickly.

But before her departure, we walked through every room of her home, including the garage and I asked her about some things that were in view.  We came to several trophies sitting on a shelf in the garage.  With the dust on them, it appeared they had been there for a few years.  I asked if she wanted them to move with her.  Her response was "No" (because she knew she wouldn't have space for them in her new room), but the look in her eye and the tone in her voice said, "Yes".

She and her daughters left a few days later and my job was to sort through the things in the garage and see what the family might want to have included when the movers came to pack.  While working through the boxes, I came across a box of costumes and tap dance shoes.  Putting two-and-two together (including the 1st Place blue ribbons on the trophies), I concluded she had been a part of a dance troupe and won several awards.  The wheels started turning and I had (what I thought) the perfect idea!  Set up a display and take a picture.

I framed it and shipped it off with her moving paperwork and donation receipts.  (If she didn't want it, she could easily replace the picture and use the frame.)  But a little voice told me she would probably like it.  And I had found a good home for the trophies and shoes.  

In the meantime, I had been invited by one of our local Memory Care Communities to re-do a couple of their rooms - transforming them from a fancy decorated model to a room that mom or dad would feel comfortable in.  I wanted to give the rooms some personality, a backstory if you will.

  

The 'fancy' model.

I told the family about my project and asked if Mom would be willing to let me use her items.  I got the thumbs up and was so excited to start putting things together!

In one room, the story of that resident was that she was a talented performer, played the clarinet, enjoyed plants and flowers as well as collecting fine things.

In the other room, the resident was an accomplished artist, amateur photographer and enjoyed golf.

While the rooms are awaiting a few final touches, the Marketing Director is over the moon with how a few changes made such a big difference, using many things they had available as well as giving a personality to each room!

Today I receive the most heartwarming message from one of the daughters.  Mom got the package and was so touched.  The shoes represented a time in her life when she and her husband moved to Florida.  New area, new people, new everything!  She joined a group of tap dancing ladies...without knowing anything about tap and hadn't made many friends at that point.  (Pretty brave lady in my book!)  She learned to tap.  Became quite good and competed in several big events. And met some wonderful ladies along the way!

Being a Move Manager is more than just packing/unpacking boxes, sorting and donating things.  It's about listening and really hearing what a client is saying, to determine what is meaningful to them.  It is an honor to help families and so rewarding!

For more information on how A Stress-Less Transition, LLC can help you or an older adult, please visit our website.

It takes a village....

They say it takes a village to raise a child.  

From recent experiences with clients and families, I say it also takes a village to move mom and/or dad!

Who are these village people?  The sales/marketing folks at the retirement communities.  The adult children and their spouses, significant others and their children.  The maintenance crew at the retirement communities.  The movers.  The care aides/home helpers.  The financial advisors and attorneys.

It is so rewarding when the older adult walks into his/her new residence, with a huge smile on his/her face - amazed how in just a few hours things from their home of 20+ years magically fits into their new space.  It's fascinating to watch skeptical adult children turn into your biggest fans.  It's a sigh of relief to get a message from the marketing director that the new resident slept well the first night in their new home.  It's humbling to get kudos and thanks from the mover who was able to get the job done quickly because of all the pre-planning and how organized things were.

But the story doesn't end there...there is still a houseful of belongings and possessions to deal with.  Whether it's making arrangements for things to be delivered to family members (locally or around the country), coordinating options for selling or finding the right charitable organization, there are many people who help in bringing a client's transition to closure.

I am so grateful for all the families and retirement communities that have put their trust and confidence in me to help their loved ones.  It is truly an honor!

For more information on how A Stress-Less Transition, LLC can help you or an older adult, please visit our website.

A case of the hiccups

Well, it wasn't exactly hiccups as we know them.  Rather it was a hiccup in communication among family members.

Several months ago, I had the honor of helping a family where the wife passed away and the husband was moving from the home they built together to a retirement community.  

Her children came from out of town a couple of times to help sort and pack up the things from her side of the family.  As we reached one of the closets, the daughter pulled out a beautiful dress and began to share the story.

Mom was a slender and striking woman with beautiful silver hair and always dressed impeccably.  In fact, she had been a model in her younger years.  And this was the dress she wore for her step-son's wedding.  A true beauty (both Mom and the dress)!

Unfortunately, her illness progressed.  But prior to her passing she shared her wishes that when the time came, it was THE dress she wanted to be buried in.  

Many details and emotions to juggle when a loved one passes away.  Message was relayed that Mom wanted to be buried in the "green dress".  Enter the HICCUPS.  (Obviously Mom wasn't buried in the dress because how would I have been able to post a picture.)  Oops...the wrong green dress was selected and sent to the funeral home.  The family thought "what's done is done.  Either we'll give it away or find a friend who wants it."

I had learned about a company called Without-End  that makes custom memorial pillows from a loved one's favorite article of clothing.   Deb Alexander is an amazing woman - passionate about helping, compassionate in her approach and creatively respectful of a loved one's belongings while transforming them into a beautiful living memorial that can be held, touched and cherished.

What a perfect way to give new life to a dress that was to be buried, never to be seen again!  And a wonderful way for her daughter to remember her mother.

Thank you Deb! 

For more information on how A Stress-Less Transition, LLC can help you or an older adult, please visit our website.

A story of patience, physical labor and a lot of detective work!

This is a true story about having your important papers in order, telling someone your wishes and identifying someone who is your "in case of emergency contact".

About a month ago, I received a call from my uncle who lives about 4 hours away.  His sister (who lives in the same city I do) had passed away unexpectedly.  Not only was this woman his sister, but she was a Sister (as in a Catholic nun!).  In addition, she had been primary caregiver for another Sister 30 years her senior.  

Without boring you with too much detail, "life" happened for these Sisters.  Their once meticulously organized and spotless-kept apartment was no longer.  They had adopted what I call the "piling system" (vs a traditional filing system).  There was no big red box with flashing lights labeled "Here are my important papers". It was going to be trying to find a needle in a haystack.  

Within minutes of entering the apartment an in-law said, "This apartment has to be cleaned out.  The manager is going to want to turn this over quickly."

Whoa!  Hold the horses!  First of all, my uncle, being the living next of kin, was the only one with any right to say what would go.

My hat quickly changed from Niece to Senior Move Manager.  How could I help my 80-something uncle on the east side of our state get information he needed?

Address books, bills, bank statements, letters/cards (ever to have been received by both of the Sisters) were in different places throughout the apartment.  Finding a Will was the first priority!

Search of one pile yielded a small piece of paper (dated 2010) indicating someone to contact should something happen as a result of a surgery.  Score!  Found which of 4 address books belonged to my aunt and looked up the name.  That uncovered a plethora of information - what church they belonged to, the Priest, where she wanted to be buried, etc.  Ok, now we could at least start the funeral process.

A methodical approach and lots of patience were going to be needed!  (And fingers crossed, a Will would be found!)  
The next few days were spent organizing all the piles of statements, bills, scraps of paper with names and phone numbers.  (On a side note and unbeknownst to the family or apartment manager, the older Sister had moved out of state, with just the clothes on her back.)  The Sisters had known each other for over 40 years and shared a home together for nearly as much time.  Of course their things were commingled!

The searching and organizing continued and in the midst of a pile were two business cards - for a funeral home and attorney (from a state they hadn't live in for over 20 years).  Wow!  Wouldn't that be the perfect scenario....prearrangements for her funeral had been made and she had a Will?  Several phone calls were placed and voicemails exchanged.  Hopes dashed when one call indicated no pre-arrangements had been made.  But the call to the attorney....a copy of "the needle" had been found!  

The Sisters were former teachers and they had what seemed like a zillion boxes of lesson plans and student school work filled the two small closets.  After confirmation from several sources, the contents of those boxes were not needed.  

Time for the physical labor!  After looking through every box, just to make sure something hadn't been "creatively filed", boxes were schlepped and hefted into the dumpster.  (Actually it was quite cathartic and could have been a fun competition between cousins.)

But I digress.  After emptying one closet, it was time to search the drawers.  (You never know....something important could be at the back of a drawer.)  No luck. So onto the other closet.  This time it was boxes of books!  (I tell you, these Sisters kept everything!)

It took searching several boxes but lo and behold....the treasure chest had been found!

A folder neatly labeled WILL was right there with several other important documents!  (Insert picture of me doing a happy dance here.)  And someone had been identified as beneficiary of her stuff.  Woohoo!

Things progressed, contacts had been made and the process was starting.  Now to start dealing with all the "stuff".  But as I began going through the apartment to separate out all the religious things from the ordinary household things, taking pictures off the wall, reading luggage tags and opening book covers, I came to the realization that most, if not all the "things" belonged to the older Sister - who was still alive!  

There was no way I could just get rid of these things without finding out if she or any of her family wanted them.  (Back to detective work...I remembered seeing a recent card addressed to the older Sister from her niece.)  Phone calls made and gratitudes expressed for saving (and sending) her many of the treasures from her dear aunt.  

My Aunt was a very private person.  She had a knack for getting people to tell her all sorts of details about their lives but when it came to her "giving up the goods", she was a tight as a drum.   

Through looking at MANY letters, and conversations with some folks who have been able to help, I've been able to piece together her history.  But to this day, we don't know what inspired her to be a nun.  

So the moral of the story is, death in inevitable.  You can make it much easier on your family if all your important documents are in order, in a safe place and you've communicated to someone where you've stored them. 

To Family Members:  Backing up the truck and dumping things before a thorough review can lead to treasures and important things being gone forever.

For more information on how A Stress-Less Transition, LLC can help you or an older adult, please visit our website.

Like an Orchestra

A transition is like the orchestra!

I am very supportive of clients being active participants in their transition.  It helps them still feel like they are in involved and still have independence.  

In a conversation with a client, I equated her transition to that of an orchestra.  (It's not as much of a stretch as you might think.)

Client is the Composer - with the ideas and input on what she wants to take to her new place and how she wants things to look.

I am the Conductor - making sure all the sections come in at just the right time and play as they should, when they should.  

Without the organization, we will have a cacophonous noise.  

When First Chairs or the Composer make decisions, schedule things without coordinating with the Conductor, it can really throw a wrench in things.

With organization and a thorough game plan, we can have a beautiful symphony!

Tools of the Trade

Since starting A Stress-Less Transition, I've had a toolbox containing all the necessary tools for helping a client pack up and set up.    

The box itself has changed over the past few months as I continue to refine what's in it and how/when I need to access the contents.

As mentioned in previous posts, I have met some amazing people and have treasured each story and life history that has been shared with me. 

I had the opportunity to help a family whose wife/mother passed away and the husband was moving to a retirement community.  Mom was a very talented porcelain artist and many of her pieces hung on the walls of their home or displayed on shelves in rooms.  I commented to the daughter I was in awe of her mother's talent and amazed at the intricate (and tiny) details of her work.  The daughter said, "Pick out something you would like."  (We were going to work together for a few days so I decided I would wait until the end before making a choice.)  

However, as we were emptying a cabinet in the kitchen, I found something that would be perfect!

My eyes lit up and she said I had to have them!  I would be the blingiest Senior Move Manager and something of her mom's would  help bring happiness to others by way of me using it when hanging their pictures, etc.  

So far the hammer has helped two families:

Hanging a dollhouse a client's mom made for her.

Hanging a picture of a client's parents in his new room at a memory care community.

My next cool tool came from a client I was helping with some organizing in preparation for her father to move in.  

During the closet clean-out, we came across some letters she had ordered for a wall with special pictures from her husband's mission travels.  (They were wooden letters with two hangers/holes in the back.)  In order to hang these, we needed to do some math, some measurements and some guesstimates.  

We got the first nail in and she said, "Hold on, I've got the best tool for this!".   She brings a paint stirrer with a screw.  (A paint stirrer??  How in the world is that going to help?)  

Hammer in the nail for the first hole, insert the screw in the other hole, make sure it's level and press the frame against the screw to mark the spot for the second nail.  Put everything aside and hammer in the nail.  Voila!  Perfect every time!

I am honored and excited to incorporate these tools in my efforts to help families!

For more information on how A Stress-Less Transition, LLC can help you or an older adult, please visit our website.

The reality of it all...

One of the best things about being a Senior Move Manager and helping older adults, is the opportunities to meet some amazing people!

One of the things I like least about being a move manager is having to tell older adults and their families that the things their loved ones have collected over the years have decreased in value and the market has become flooded with furniture, china, crystal, silverplate flatware, and collectible figurines.  

Yes, people are buying them, but they are not paying retail or even what the selling price was many moons ago.  You're lucky if you get flea-market prices!  Don't get me wrong, there are things have have retained or gone up in value, but those are few and far between.  (Like the Chinese bowl found at a garage sale that sold for $2.2 million.)

It really stinks having to tell clients that the furniture that looks so lovely in their home (that they paid good money to have reupholstered or refinished) really isn't worth it for someone to come pick up and try to resell.  And with today's fuel prices, the dealer can't make enough on the furniture to cover the fuel. Even the antique dealers are finicky about the things they want....is has to be over 100 years old to even peak their interest!

"But what about the china, crystal and silver plate displayed so nicely in my china hutch?  Certainly someone will want that!"  Unfortunately, not for the price you think they should pay.  

Today's generation doesn't want to hand wash china and crystal or polish silver.  In fact most "we buy gold" places don't want to deal with silver plate items because there isn't enough silver in it when melted down.

Many people invested in collectibles, anticipating they would sell them when they retired and contribute to their nest egg.  "I should be able to get a lot for my Hummels."  Again, someone will buy them but probably only for pennies on the dollar.  People who used to collect them are dying and there aren't too many people around who want them these days.  Here's an article about 9 Completely Worthless Collectibles.  

Every day, 10,000 people turn 65 and are retiring.  Plus, people are living longer.  If they can afford it, many are downsizing to smaller accommodations.  Here's an article that talks about Baby Boomers Downsizing and looking to sell their stuff.

The other reality older adults have to face is the fact that their kids will probably not want their stuff.  It's not their style.  They don't have room in their home. It's too costly to ship.

So, what is one to do when one is looking to get sell their things?  Be realistic! 

Estate liquidation companies can help with selling their things.  But it is the public that determines the selling price.  And they will have to pay (by way of commission) to sell their stuff.  Some people are able to make enough to cover their moving expenses, but for many, there is value in just emptying a house, ec.

Sorry to be Realistic Ruth (or Debbie Downer), but it is the reality of it all. 

For more information on how A Stress-Less Transition, LLC can help you or an older adult, please visit our website.