Feeling like Typhoid Mary

I am honored and humbled by the number of families that have put their trust and confidence in me to help with their loved ones' transition.  

For those whose move I've orchestrated, I follow-up with the families to see how they are doing.  

But, after several calls this week, I gotta tell you, I'm feeling like Typhoid Mary!  

Now, this was back in the 1900s, and the people Mary came in contact with, died!  

I'm pleased to say, I don't cook for my clients and no one has died.  However, 80% of the people I've moved in the past 8 months have had something happen after they've gotten settled in their new place.  For example: a fall (or two), a 5-week stay in the hospital due to flu, a hospital stay with pneumonia, a TIA, just to name a few.

What was the common denominator?  They had all moved into different communities, in different areas of town.  Some were women, some were men and the ages varied.  I guess it must have been me!  Ugh!  

In actuality, these were all "crisis moves" where the dementia or physical condition had progressed to the point where the older adult could not live independently any more.  And while the family may have taken the steps to find their loved one a new living arrangement, it was pretty late in the game.  

Making a later-in-life move is not easy, especially when the older adult is afflicted with dementia and has called the same place home for 30-50 years.  While I do everything in my power to reduce the stress associated with a move, I'm unable to influence the person's mental and physical health.  

Nobody wants to have "the talk" with their loved ones, but trust me it is better to do it sooner rather than later.  If you are one of the 'kids' be sure to pick up the clues your loved ones leave - for example if mom has passed away and Dad says, "I'd like to give the china to my granddaughter", HELP HIM DO IT!  Don't force him to keep things they way they always have been because you're not ready for a change.

I guess I have to accept the facts of life in this industry I've become a part of.  Things are going to happen to the people I help but knowing I've been able to handled the details of a move on behalf of their families and recreate their new space with the furniture and belongings they are familiar with makes me feel good.  

Time to get ready for another move...

For more information on how A Stress-Less Transition, LLC can help you or an older adult, please visit our website.

It's not easy being GREEN...

In the words (or in this case song) of Kermit the Frog,

"It's not easy being green!"

Many Senior Move Managers (and movers) tend to use lots of cardboard boxes, packing paper, bubble-wrap, packing tape and all sorts of other things, some of which are recyclable.  Some move managers pack, others have the moving company do it (and charge the client for supplies).  But boxes, even broken down, take up a lot of space.  And since I work out of my home, I don't have a lot of room to store them.

I have made the conscious decision to be GREEN - not only have the company colors been green from the beginning, but for any local transitions, (where I pack and unpack a client) I will move green!

Using tubs and other storage options eliminates the need for boxes!  Plus, tubs are a little easier to store and transport.  Newsprint (sans ink) is great packing material and can be reused several times before recycling. Bubble wrap can also be reused several times. 

I was thrilled to answer in the affirmative when asked by a green retirement community if I used tubs!  

Many times, the spaces people are moving into are much smaller and they are not taking a tremendous amount of belongings.   And if packed properly, you can fit quite a bit in a tub!  Since tubs have handles, they are easier to pick up and move around.  Plus, once at the destination and unpacking has begun, tubs stack nicely and can be left temporarily in the hallway.  And, there's little to no trash filling the community's dumpster.

It feels great knowing that I'm saving clients money, eliminating time and tape needed to make boxes and ultimately reducing my carbon footprint!  (Plus, when the tubs wear out, they too can be recycled!)

Miss Piggy has nothing to do with this post other than it's a violation of Muppet Code to mention Kermit and not her.  :)  

Using my best Miss Piggy voice, 

"Oh Kermie, it is easy being green!"

What are you doing to go green?

For more information on how A Stress-Less Transition, LLC can help you or an older adult, please visit our website.

It's all in the details

A recent client needed to move rather quickly from his 2500 sq ft home of 50 years into an ALF.  His wife passed away about a year ago after suffering several years with Alzheimer's Disease.  Needless to say, his time as devoted husband and caregiver had taken its toll and his memory was not as sharp as it had been in the past.

I was so fortunate to have been asked to help with his transition to a lovely ALF apartment.  (Believe me, I was ready to sign up the day I visited there!)  It was less than a week from first meeting Mr. B to Move Day.  While getting to know Mr. B (and trying to figure out what furniture, furnishings and belongings to take), I learned he was an avid photographer, computer geek, stereo-turntable-record-spinner, WWII Veteran, father and grandfather.

This is one of the many things about my business that I love and why I am so passionate about helping older adults!  I want to find good homes for their things!  Several people who had been in his house were ready to get rid of all the "crap".  (Yes, there were things that should make their way to the big green bin, but there were many things that someone (or several someones) would buy or a charitable organization that would accept the donations.)

But the first order of business was getting Mr. B ready to move.  My goal was to use existing furniture and only buy new if absolutely needed.  His 60" TV was NOT going to fit in his new apartment, but a relatively new 27" from a bedroom would be perfect on a stand formerly holding the microwave, flanked by similarly colored shelves from two different rooms.

Selecting one of several desks that would hold his computer but fit in his bedroom was another challenge.

Only a few days to get ready, but all the i's were dotted, t's were crossed,  and everything was double-checked. Tubs were packed, the HUNKS arrived, locks changed and off we went!   After a 30 minute drive, furniture unloaded and placed, tubs unpacked, pictures hung and Mr. B's new home was ready for his arrival!

Mr. B was thrilled to see his camera collection on display in the living room along with this Army memorabilia - all of which had been scattered about various rooms and the garage.  Now he will have props to go along with his stories. :o)

It was so rewarding to see him happy in his new space, with familiar belongings and no worries of a big ol' house.

For more information on how A Stress-Less Transition, LLC can help you or an older adult, please visit our website.

Finding good homes for unwanted things

How to Toss Your Junk the Green Way

From The Nest.com (http://ideas.thenest.com/decor-tricks/cleaning-organizing/slideshows/toss-junk-green-way.aspx)

Doing a little spring cleaning? There are some things (cell phones, TVs, etc.) that you can't just toss in the trash. Even if you could...well, you shouldn't. Electronics, for example, create e-waste, aka toxic waste, when left to rot in a landfill. So consider these easy ways to recycle instead. You know what they say: One man's trash is another's treasure -- but all that trash will never be the Earth's treasure.

Gadgets

Listing an old VCR on eBay probably won't earn you enough dough to make it worth the hassle, but newer gadgets (like an iPod from circa 2008) can earn you a decent pile of dough that you can put toward an upgrade. Send the rest of your technotrash to Recycling for Charities (RecyclingforCharities.com); they'll resell your used gadgets and give at least half the money to a charity of your choice. Or go to RecycleforBreastCancer.org to donate your old gadgets to help fight breast cancer (they'll even send you prepaid shipping labels!).

Computers

Those computer parts are toxic to the Earth too. Make some money to put toward a new laptop by listing yours on eBay or Craigslist (just remember to erase your personal files, photos and music first). Or reduce your tax bill and boost your karma by donating your computer -- there are plenty of nonprofits, schools and charities that will put that PC to good use. You can also go to ComputerswithCauses.org, and they'll find a worthy recipient for you. Or just bring your old computer with you when you go to buy a new one. Many manufacturers and retailers -- including Dell, HP, Apple, Sony, Toshiba and Best Buy -- will recycle your old computer for free

Print Cartridges

Staples makes recycling these a no-brainer -- just bring in your old cartridge, and they'll give you $3 off your next one. PS: Many manufacturers, like HP, offer mail-in recycling programs too.

Cell Phones and PDAs

Finally ready to get rid of that Zack Morris-era relic taking up space in your junk drawer? Many cell phone companies -- including Verizon, Nokia and Motorola -- will recycle your old phone for you. Call them and ask about it, or just stop by a store if there's one near you. You can also go to GreenPhone.com to get cash for donating your cell. Or show a serviceman (or woman) your appreciation by sending yours to Cell Phones for Soldiers (CellPhonesforSoldiers.com).

Clothes

Goodwill, The Salvation Army and many shelters accept all types of gently used clothing. Donate formalwear (like that bridesmaid dress you'll never wear again or that old sport coat) to OperationFairyDust.org or CatherinesCloset.org. Traded in your corporate job (and cube) for the freelance life? Ladies, give those pencil skirts and suits to Dress for Success (DressforSuccess.org). And guys, pool your friends or coworkers to collect old suits and dress clothes for Career Gear (CareerGear.org). Want dough for your duds? New (or barely used) name-brand clothing and accessories are always popular on eBay, and consignment stores often take high-end designer garb. For a more social way to recycle your closet, throw a swap party. Think of it as a grown-up version of trading baseball cards. Plus, swap parties are a great way to clean out your closet and update your wardrobe (for free!).

Furniture

Furniture waste has more than quadrupled since 1960. Help reverse that trend with these alternatives: Listing unwanted furniture on Craigslist is a great way to make money for home improvements without much effort. Even if you can't get someone to buy that orange corduroy couch, list it for "free" on Craigslist or Freecycle.org, and save yourself the cost of having it hauled away. Goodwill or The Salvation Army may also come collect your old furniture -- free of charge -- and in return, you can get a tax break (just remember to ask for a receipt!).

Shoes

Designer shoes are always popular on eBay (and at consignment stores), but the condition and brand really matter. Another option: Donate your old kicks to someone in need through Soles4Souls (Soles4Souls.org), which takes just about any brand and kind as long as they're in fairly good condition. As for those old sneaks? Nike will recycle them (nope, they don't have to be Nikes) for you through its Reuse-A-Shoe program (NikeReuseAShoe.com).

Sports Equipment

Play It Again Sports will buy your used sports equipment (depending on the condition). Go to PlayItAgainSports.com for locations. Or donate your old gear to SportsGift.org, and they'll give your used equipment to a needy kid somewhere around the world.

Books

Old coffee-table books and special editions can be sold to specialty bookstores or on Amazon.com. Old paperbacks can be donated to your local library, or send them to soldiers stationed across the globe through the Books For Soldiers program (BooksForSoldiers.com). And if you're interested in swapping your old paperback for a new read, head to PaperBackSwap.com, an online book club that lets you trade and exchange books with other readers all over the country.

CDs and DVDs

Still have old CDs in their plastic jewel cases, even though you've gone totally digital? GreenDisk (GreenDisk.com) will safely dispose of your technotrash -- including CDs, video games, VHS tapes and DVDs

Eyeglasses

Donate your old glasses to New Eyes for the Needy (NewEyesfortheNeedy.com), or drop them off at LensCrafters, Target Optical or other participating doctor's offices and stores, and they'll send them to OneSight (OneSight.org). Both organizations recycle your old glasses to help needy children and adults worldwide see clearly.

Tools

Got some old tools lying around? Donate old hammers, power saws and screwdrivers to Habitat for Humanity's ReStore outlets (Habitat.org/restores) -- they'll sell them and use the profits to fund new projects.

Use the good stuff!

As promised, here's an update from a recent experience and an admonition to USE THE GOOD STUFF!

A client was leaving her home of 40+ years and going to live in a  community close to family.  Not only had she lived in this home, but so did her mother (and all of her belongings).

Mother and daughter were collectors of fine European china, crystal, linens and silver and once combined, had enough place settings for a full-blown army.  Beautiful pieces - but pieces that required handwashing, polishing and ironing.  "Life happened" and mom passed away about 15 years ago.  But daughter kept all her lovelies.  A china cabinet and a buffet in the dining room, a hutch in the kitchen (along with several cupboards), a closet in the hallway and a walk-in pantry held these treasures but none had been used in many years.

Unfortunately, many of the people who valued and collected porcelain, china, crystal and silver are downsizing, moving to retirement communities or passing away.  Family doesn't want them - "If it can't go in the dishwasher, I don't want it!"  As such, the market has become flooded with these pieces and people are paying very little for them, if they are even interested in buying them.

I'm encouraging everyone to START USING THE GOOD STUFF (more frequently than just the holidays).  So what if the gold wears off when you put it in the dishwasher.  If you feel compelled to replace it, most likely you'll be able to find it pretty inexpensively.  If you're not a fan of polishing silver, sell it.  It's not doing anyone any good sitting in the drawer or cabinet collecting dust.  Plus, silver prices are pretty good these days.

Guess I should start following my own advice - I bet iced tea would taste just as nice (or better) in a Waterford glass!  

Happy New Year all!

For more information on how A Stress-Less Transition, LLC can help you or an older adult, please visit our website.

Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season

by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Holidays are often difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of someone loved. Rather than being times of family togetherness, sharing and thanksgiving, holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss and emptiness.

Love Does Not End With Death

Since love does not end with death, holidays may result in a renewed sense of personal grief-a feeling of loss unlike that experienced in the routine of daily living. Society encourages you to join in the holiday spirit, but all around you the sounds, sights and smells trigger memories of the one you love who has died.
No simple guidelines exist that will take away the hurt you are feeling. We hope, however, the following suggestions will help you better cope with your grief during this joyful, yet painful, time of the year. As you read through this article, remember that by being tolerant and compassionate with yourself, you will continue to heal.

Talk About Your Grief

During the holiday season, don't be afraid to express your feelings of grief. Ignoring your grief won't make the pain go away and talking about it openly often makes you feel better. Find caring friends and relatives who will listen-without judging you. They will help make you feel understood.

Be tolerant of Your Physical and Psychological Limits

Feelings of loss will probably leave you fatigued. Your low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. And lower your own expectations about being at your peak during the holiday season.

Eliminate Unnecessary Stress

You may already feel stressed, so don't overextend yourself. Avoid isolating yourself, but be sure to recognize the need to have special time for yourself. Realize also that merely "keeping busy" won't distract you from your grief, but may actually increase stress and postpone the need to talk out thoughts and feelings related to your grief.

Be With Supportive, Comforting People

Identify those friends and relatives who understand that the holiday season can increase your sense of loss and who will allow you to talk openly about your feelings. Find those persons who encourage you to be yourself and accept your feelings-both happy and sad.

Talk About the Person Who Has Died

Include the person's name in your holiday conversation. If you are able to talk candidly, other people are more likely to recognize your need to remember that special person who was an important part of your life.

Do What Is Right for You During the Holidays

Well-meaning friends and family often try to prescribe what is good for you during the holidays. Instead of going along with their plans, focus on what you want to do. Discuss your wishes with a caring, trusted friend.
Talking about these wishes will help you clarify what it is you want to do during the holidays. As you become aware of your needs, share them with your friends and family.

Plan Ahead for Family Gatherings

Decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new ones you would like to begin. Structure your holiday time. This will help you anticipate activities, rather than just reacting to whatever happens. Getting caught off guard can create feelings of panic, fear and anxiety during the time of the year when your feelings of grief are already heightened. As you make your plans, however, leave room to change them if you feel it is appropriate.

Embrace Your Treasure of Memories

Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. And holidays always make you think about times past. Instead of ignoring these memories, share them with your family and friends. Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and sadness. If your memories bring laughter, smile. If your memories bring sadness, then it's alright to cry. Memories that were made in love-no one can ever take them away from you.

Renew Your Resources for Living

Spend time thinking about the meaning and purpose of your life. The death of someone loved created opportunities for taking inventory of your life-past, present and future. The combination of a holiday and a loss naturally results in looking inward and assessing your individual situation. Make the best use of this time to define the positive things in life that surround you.

Express Your Faith

During the holidays, you may find a renewed sense of faith or discover a new set of beliefs. Associate with people who understand and respect your need to talk about these beliefs. If your faith is important, you may want to attend a holiday service or special religious ceremony. As you approach the holidays, remember: grief is both a necessity and a privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving love. Don't let anyone take your grief away. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring people.

Related Resources

• Understanding Grief: Helping Yourself Heal (book)

Copyright 2007, Center for Loss and Life Transition

Industry says Move Manager....Real life says Go To Resource!

In the few months since starting A Stress-Less Transition, LLC, I have met so many amazing people, and have received tremendous support, creating new referral partners, new clients, and new friendships.

Unfortunately, the families I’ve helped over the past few months, came to know of A Stress-Less Transition relatively late in the process. Their loved one passed away, they resolved all the legal and financial details, some returned to their out-of-state home but were at a loss for how to deal with “the stuff” left behind. Helping families sooner rather than later can save money, time and stress when a life event happens. Here are a few examples:

Older Adult Joe:  Joe, a widower with several medical conditions, moved to Florida from New York, narrowly escaping the wrath of Sandy.  He arrived before his furniture and representatives at the community he was moving into called to ask for help.  Joe's belongings were hastily (but carefully) packed by the movers.  How we helped:   Designed a floor plan/furniture layout based on the items Joe remembered being packed.  Guided the movers for furniture placement and unpacked nearly 40 boxes of his belongings.  Shopped for basic kitchen items since his new apartment had a kitchen.  Sorted and boxed up for donation many of Joe's beautiful suits, ties and shirts - all of which made the move and most would not be worn again.  Had Joe worked with a move manager before his move, the move would have been much less expensive and he could have enjoyed life in his new community sooner.  

Family A: Father passed away a year ago. Furniture and belongings were hastily put into storage causing damage to many of the pieces. Executors lived out of state and overseas. Had A Stress-Less Transition been contacted early on, arrangements would have been made for the items to be picked up, handled with care and sold for a profit. How we helped: Saved the family money by not having to make a trip to Tampa. Facilitated emptying of storeroom (thus ending the storage fees) with contents going to an auctioneer and furniture consignment shop, where items were repaired and sold. Also included data retrieval from computer. (Proceeds from sale of belongings covered expenses and with a small profit being returned to the estate.)

Family B: Mother passed away a few months ago. Daughter immediately listed the condo for sale but was left to clear it out since siblings lived up north. Daughter with medical condition made numerous trips to the dumpster and charitable organizations…and still had more to do. Emotionally overwhelmed and physically exhausted, she contacted A Stress-Less Transition. How we helped: Coordinated donation of clothes to Dress for Success, arranged for profitable sale of her mother’s treasures
(some of which daughter was ready to pitch), thus readying the property for showing much sooner. (Proceeds from the sale of belongings covered a portion of the unplanned death-related expenses.)

As you can see, we do more than just move seniors into retirement communities….We help alleviate the stress by handling all the details of a later-in-life transition. We are the go-to resource for the adult children who don’t know where to begin, aren't sure how to help their elderly loved ones or what to do with a houseful of belongings.

My hope is to continue educating others about how A Stress-Less Transition can help with whatever need an older adult or their family might have, including connecting them with professionals like attorneys, realtors, movers, insurance agents, bankers, etc.  

I am humbled by the support and grateful for the opportunities to help older adults and families.  Thank you!